I’ve been having a hard time as of late living in the moment. A hard time with appreciating how my life is right now and where I currently I am.
It just feels like my heart and my soul want more than what I currently have. I want to plug in to something.
During the summer I read “The Perks of Being A Wallflower” and I quite enjoyed it. Mostly because I could relate to Charlie, being socially awkward and (at times) socially distant. Though the passage that really stuck with me was in the latter chapters when Charlie and Sam (his love interest) are having a personal and honest moment. When Sam asked Charlie why he never made a move on her, Charlie replied with how she had previously had told him not to see her that way. But she makes the point of how Charlie is always trying to help people, regardless of what his needs and wants are at the moment. Charlie is too distant. Sam says
“Charlie, I told you not to think of me that way nine moths ago because of what I’m saying now. Not because of Craig. Not because I didn’t think you were great. It’s just that I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don’t like, I’ll tell them.”
Basically saying, that she needs someone who will be THERE, fully present and fully comfortable with who the are, and being a person of action.
I’m just having a difficult time being HERE.
And it isn’t due to a lack of desire to want to plug in, I just have not been able to.
But as Bill Withers wrote, “But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow.”